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Ahhh I know this is an unusual journal and that I've never asked for anything like this... But my sister needs help ;w;

She's saving up for Internship in Spain to aid refuges. She'd be departing sometime next month but urgently needs to save up funds to cover different expenses.

I'm not entirely sure what part of the expenses she's already covered, but this is really draining both of my sister's resources. My other sister is lending her as much money as she can while also paying both of their bills at the place they're renting; but they're having trouble.

Her current goal is $3,500... But she's barely 10% there, and has 10 days remaining in her fundraiser. I don't expect this to help out very much... But if anyone is able to donate any small amount (or perhaps even spread the word), we would all deeply appreciate it o:

Here's the page:…
Alright so... I might be ready to take money commissions soon, but first I wanted to be sure I can use my paypal without a bank account ;v; After doing research, it seems that it IS possible; I just can't withdraw that money, and I have a monthly limit of how much I can send I think.

But still, I want to make sure. So if there's anyone who'd like to help me by sending me some $5 (Or less, if it's possible) just to experiment! And I'll send that money back to make sure I can do that, AND receive without any problems.
Sorry, just can't help but geek out over this since I love astronomy X'D

Buuuut the discovery of SEVEN Earth-like planets orbiting a red dwarf star 40 light years away was just announced O: This is actually huge.

Okay, like... They're not literally Earth clones; Most of the time, the news or any other website calls it as such, when really, we don't know what these planets are really like, but can only guess based on their position, mass, density, etc. And they ALL are within the habitable zone of their star, and around the same mass as Earth (One of them even receives about as much light from it's star as we do). I haven't read up that much on what they've said, but it looks like one of them could even have lots of liquid water.

They're so close to eachother, that they would be about the size of the moon of the sky and even have gravitational effects over one another (Such as tides increasing when one comes close, etc. Only our own moon causes significant tidal effects due to it's mass and proximity, but not the other planets in the solar system).

So we've just found possibly one of the best places to search for signs of extraterrestrial life. Perhaps not intelligent, but we shall see. I think the James-webb telescope, due to launch last year, might have the capability to detect atmospheric compositions of distant exoplanets based on the light that gets reflected towards us.. So yus, this is pretty big O: But of course, most people probably wont care much because the only thing that matters is everything that's here around us, not above and far from us x')
To everyone out there celebrating this infamous day of love! Enjoy all your gifts, presents and wishes and happy times c':

I shall now go weep in the loneliness corner now XD #Nevergonnamingle
I'll respond to you guys as soon as I can but... Thanks for the wishes c'x I'm 18 now, oh boy X'D I'll be going tomorrow to see if I can apply for my ID Card As well as my booze permit! WOO I CAN GET DRUNK NOW .

Um... As usual, my birthday is never that big of a deal.. I don't celebrate it nor do I get gifts x'p Well, on this occasion... I guess I had a very neat breakfast and some pizza in a few hours (As well as a soap with a "Happy birthday" scratched into it by my mom X'D ) Aaaand hopefully my sister can buy me the replacement fan that I've been trying to get for months to fix my laptop x.x

But yeah... Thanks again ;w; I'll admit it does lift my spirits a little and grant a smile just to know that people remember or at least take their time to wish me a happy day X'D I received a gift from one of you which I'll comment on as soon as I'm able x'3
Soo... yep! My last birthday in Mexico... Quite uneventful, but that's not surprising X'D

I guess right now I'm just a little stressed about my Calculus exam on Thursday... I've hardly studied at all. And I really need to pass this class. But I just can't focus x.x I always get lazy, uncaring and procrastinate a lot whenever something stresses me like this. I'd appreciate a little push/encouragement if anyone would like to help out ;-; Wish me luck guys.

So yeah, thanks ;v;
 I hope everyone's having or already had a great time with your families X'3

So uh.. Another year over X'D 2016, just like last year.. Unfortunately wasn't the best for me. In fact, this year has probably been my lowest, emotionally.. I feel in a worse state than I was at this time last year, ugh.

And this year... This year, hopefully, I will complete high school and, after 9 years.. Finally move back to the United States by around July of August. I had been so impatient about this just a few years ago. Didn't think I'd be so scared and hesitant now >< I am most likely taking a break before I start college.. Maybe up to a year. Or maybe I won't attend college at all and just settle with some simple job :/ Idk. I just really want to get out of school now because its draining me mentally and emotionally, with this constant stress of worrying for my future.. I'm laying my hope in that leaving and adapting a new life style is what I need. For now.. I just have to try and not fail, otherwise I won't leave until September or October X'D Wish me luck everyone. With zero motivation to return to school but meh.
I feel the need to spam this, its popping up everywhere so I think its safe to assume that its official X'D

For those waiting for the next animated adventure of Hiccup and Toothless in How to Train Your Dragon 3, you'll have to wait nearly one year longer. DreamWorks Animation revealed today that it has pushed the animated sequel from May 18, 2018 to March 1, 2019, where it currently has that particular weekend all to itself. It will, however, debut just one week before Marvel's long-awaited Captain Marvel, starring Brie Larson as Carol Danvers, and two weeks after an untitled Universal monsters reboot project. Take a look at the new plot synopsis for How to Train Your Dragon 3 below.
"As Hiccup fulfills his dream of creating a peaceful dragon utopia, Toothless' discovery of an untamed, elusive mate draws the Night Fury away. When danger mounts at home and Hiccup's reign as village chief is tested, both dragon and rider must make impossible decisions to save their kind."

My thoughts?
They suck -w- I'll be 20 by then, ugh X'D (Will I even be alive? :'D )
And the plot sounds a little.. Ehh...

I was expecting something along the lines of "As Hiccup tirelessly attempts to manage Berk's taxes and cope with the roll of being chief with the responsibilities that it ensues, and being deprived from free time, a new threat arises to make matters worse! Along with an unexpected discovery, which challenges the bond of dragon and rider."

Okay, IF the reason Hiccup and Toothless separate is solely because Toothless leaves to have a family... I will be highly dissapointed XD Both at DreamWorks for the dumb decision, aaand Toothless for choosing a stranger over his 9 year-old best friendship with Hiccup -.- Can't he live with his mate in Berk?

For reals though, I'm hoping that (if they decide to choose that ending still), its something.. Idk, sad ;v; Heart breaking. Something that there's no other choice for. Something out of their control.

Secondly... Not sure if that's a good plot? I feel like this will be rushed again. Movie starts, 10 minutes in we already have another night fury, 5 more minutes and Toothless flies away suddenly with no goodbyes nor doubts. Movie will be about Hiccup struggling to cope from abandonment, showing us how he humerously attempts to replace Toothless with a gronkle to complete his work around berk, and when all hope is lost and he begins to get grey hair... Things get worse! Dragons comes back, the Alpha "Toothless" is gone, aaaand he takes over :la: until Hiccup screams so loud, Toothless hears him and comes back to save the day.
By the end of it, he must leave forever to raise his new family c': Cuz instincts!

....okay that might've been an exaggerated guess X'D I just hope it Doesn't go anywhere near those lines, nor have that ending. And assuming this will involve another night fury, I hope they reveal her properly, dramaticly, epicly. Whatever c': Not just... Camera swoosh and there she is -w- Come on, its the moment we've all been waiting for!

I suppose "Impossible decisions" adds a bit of drama and mystery behind this o: I hope that's a good sign X'D
Might add more friends ;v;

Even though I often play with a RL friend but it would be neat to play with more peoples c':
Although I may have just found the answer xD

Can I use it without a bank account nor credit card?

I mean, some pages say that depending on your country, you have a limit per month as to how much you can send/receive. But other than that, it IS possible to use an unverified paypal account. At least I hope ;v; Is this correct?

If so... Man, I would totally do a few money commissions xD
Someone's taken the offer already! Sorry to anyone who might've been interested X'D will update again if they are unable to in the end.
May even open commissions some time in the near future, so keep your eyes out ;v;

Commission by MizaT11

Alright, so! I REALLY want Overwatch.. Especially with the Origins edition on sale until Monday. Sadly, I have no way of buying it x( Nor do I have a paypal to receive any money.

Sooooo here's what I was thinking, even if I'm still a little skeptical about this: I'll be taking 1 commission, and the commissioner may pay me by gifting the game! The commission may consist of a single character detailed drawing AND a chibi-esque badge (Like the one's seen on the bottom right), OR  a two-character drawing. I may restrict this to dragons ONLY! Preferably night furies, but I'm open to other options so long as it's nothing too complex :) If anyone is interested, please let me know down below or in a note! Once we talk out how this will work, I will need the following:

-A detailed description of what you want me to draw. And by detailed, I mean DETAILED. I really don't like it when people simply say "Draw my character". Or "draw my character running". I struggle a LOT with motivation and ideas, which is why I'm still hesitant about commissions altogether. Most of my attempts at drawing fail, especially when I don't have a clear image in my head. So, the more detail you give me, the more likely I will be able to finish, and the better it may look :) Feel free to detail a scene with a description, story, or even better, sketch something very simple of the pose/setting and all that you would like! Inspire me, give me ideas X3

-A ref sheet for the character(s) involved. Must be drawn, preferably digitally so that I may copy the exact colors! No written descriptions, please. Also, if your character has been drawn before, feel free to present me with other drawings that I could use for reference, especially if said character has markings/other details.

-PAYMENT: Again, I don't have Paypal. So you'll have to go to the website, create an account, and order the game for me. Because of this... There will be no refunds. Another reason why I'm still hesitant about this idea. I WILL owe you this drawing and will try to get it done as soon as I can (And when I find free time while I finish exams, and work on other stuff). Be aware though, there may be delays ;-; Especially if I find myself highly unmotivated, or going through a lot of stress. Drawing is a difficult task for me x( But I'll try my best to make it up for you. Hence why I'm offering a badge/extra character as well, since you'll have to take some extra steps/wait some time to receive the drawing Any questions, just ask! Please spread the word if you'd like. I doubt anyone will be interested but eh... It's worth a try X'D (*Still feels that $35 might be too much for some* ;-; )

anyone is interested, you need to contact me before Monday! That's when
the sale ends.


I asked this on Instagram (Since, lol, people like my stuff more than here X'D ) buuuuut I only got two or three responses out of the 30 people that 'liked' the post X'D. I don't expect to get a ton of feedback here but I'll see.

Anyhow... I still have a few more weeks of exams coming up o: But classes officially end some time next week, so I'll have much more time available by then. I've been considering opening at least one or two commission slots.
I don't normally do commissions because motivation to draw is VERY hard to get by. And more often then not, I fail at my attempts to draw anything. So I can't commit to doing business so often if I'm not even sure I can go through with it.

Due to how long it takes me to draw, and how hard it can be sometimes, it would not be cheap. I was thinking of pricing my fully detailed paintings at around $25-$35, maybe more. Just so that the time spent may be worth it. How much do you think my art is worth? (Lol, I'm tempted to do one detailed painting for anyone who's willing to buy me Overwatch: Origins Edition while it's on sale, which happens to cost exactly $35 at the moment, cheaper than the basic version X'D Played the game all weekend while it was free, I really enjoyed it ;v; If anyone is actually interested, do let me know XD  The offer is available for one more week ;v; )

Here's an issue, though.
I suck and am unable to have a PayPal at the moment X'D So I'd have to receive payment with DA points. You can buy the points with real money and send them to me (Which really sucks, oh how I wish I could make actual money off my art). But yeah! What do you guys think? Anyone interested?
Again, IF I do open them.. I may only be limited to one or two slots, and might even let the commissioner down if I'm having a hard time drawing. Because of this, I might ask for the payment after the sketch is done. Once I've dealt with the sketch, I can be certain that I'll finish the rest.
Is Trump actually going to win?

He's 3% ahead and has 137 electoral votes vs Clinton's 104..

Of course a ton of states still haven't had their poll results come in buuut...

Lol why am I stressing over this?
Whelp, just got home from school and happened to see quite a few people doing this, so... Let's see how bad it is c'x

EDIT: Yeeeep, pretty bad c8

X= point
/= half point

[ /] You get bad grades. 
[X] You have had a pet die. 
[ /(Not too often but I have.)] You cry yourself to sleep at night. 
[ /] Your parents are divorced.
[ ] One or both of your parents are dead.
[ x] People think you should be happier. 
[/] You don't have that many friends. (Not too many in the sense that I'm not popular, but I guess I'm fine with the ones I have xp )
[ ] You have never been out of the country.
[ ] You have never been out of the state.
[ ] You are allergic to a food.
[ ] You are allergic to fur.
[X] You worry too much.
Total so far: 5

[ /] You always feel sad. (About half of my day always involves me feeling down about things v.v )
[X] You think you're bad at what you do. 
[/ ] You are afraid of the dark. 
[ /] You are afraid of heights. 
[X ] You don't have a pet. 
[X] You have had a dream where somebody died. 
[X ] You have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. (wouldn't call this "sad" tho X'D )
[ ] You have less than 3 friends irl. 
[X] You don't get an allowance. 
[ ] You don't get food everyday.
[X] You are shy around new people. 
[X ] You got/get bullied. (Mainly in middle school, but yeah v.v )
Total so far: 13

[ x] You don't have your own room. 
[ ] You don't have a cell phone.
[ ] You wish you didn't have a sibling. 
[X ] You wish you had another sibling.
[/ ] You are an only child. (Sisters have moved out.)
[/] Sad music makes you cry. (They bring forth said mood, but the tears come independently of the music x'p
[X] Sad movies make you cry. (Ok, this is a total yes XD )
[ ] You have been to the hospital for yourself.
[] Somebody in your family smokes. (Uncles/cousins do, but no one in my small parents/siblings family X'3 )
[ ] Somebody in your family is an alcoholic. (same as above)
[X ] You have been in a car accident. (Nothing too bad though. Someone just slammed into us from behind when I was 5, and this truck kinda crushed the side of our car a bit a few years ago =p )
[ x] Somebody in your family has been in a car accident. (Mom was there on both occasions XD )
Total so far: 19

[/] You have many chores. (I DO have chores, but I wouldn't say too many. Then again, I hardly do most of them, just do the laundry/wash the car and dishes c'x )
[/ ] You have had a bad sickness. (Fevers count? c'x )
[X] You have been in a bad storm. (Hurricane, some 6 years ago).
[ x] People think you're crazy. (Good crazy XD )
[] You have never been to a concert. (Just one ;v; )
[X ] You don't have cable.
[ ] You don't have a facebook.
[X ] You fear your death. (I fear dying too soon and not achieving anything in life.)
[X] You don't believe in easter bunny. (Uh...? XD )
[ ] You have been rejected by your crush. (Never even told her I liked her c': I've only had one XD)
[/] You sit alone at large groups of people. (Sometimes, depends where I am.
[/] You look at the ground when you walk. (About half the time x'p )
Total so far: 26

[ ] You have written a sad song. 
[X ] You have a small house. 
[ ] You never met your dad/mom.
[ x] You don't have a good relationship with one or more of your family members.
[X] You can't sing. (I can but I'm terrible at it XD )
[ /] Your parents are unemployed. 
[X] One or both of your grandparents are dead on your dads side. (Both. Only my grandmother from mother's side lives.)
[/ ] One or both of your grandparents are dead on your moms side.
[X] You don't get parties on your birthday. (Last time I had a real "party" was when I was 10 X'D )
[X] People have judged you by how you look.
[] You have never been to disney land/world. (I have, twice I believe. Last time was 12 or 13 years ago.
[ ] You have never seen a play.
Total so far: 33

Now take that total and multiply it by 2   
New total: 66
Post title as "My life is _% Sad"
Given the amount of views this video has, chances are, at least 25% of you will have already see1n it. I barely did today X'D
Buuuut it's pretty darn cool... And really highlights many interesting points about the world. There should really be more of these kinds of videos x'p

I've got 6... About 5 more days until school ;~; As usual.. Anxiety is starting to build up. This is my last year of high school, my last year here in Mexico, and.. Man, idk.

The stress I endured during the first half of this year.. Both from personal, emotional problems and school work alike really changed me, somewhat x'( Idk, the amount of work we got last semester just drove me crazy pretty much X'D To the point where I just put little to no effort into studying for finals, and just craved to stay in bed and do nothing. Like, seriously... I couldn't even sit and talk with friends about things because we were always busy with something x'c And, I dunno.. I guess that had SOME effect with why suddenly, I've seemingly lost interest in everything I liked before. I hardly show any interest towards shows or games that I used to play.. Or new movies coming out, or anything that I usually discussed with my friends.. Suddenly, the only things running through my head involve school, my future, and other stuffs.. I feel I cannot enjoy the same things as all of you (Not that i did so as much anyway...Now I feel further uninterested in things xc ).. And that's something that really does sadden me. Idk, I just wish I could be my old self, fully invested in creating my own story even, among other things.

And so.. These semesters will undoubtedly be a nightmare x') I don't know what to expect... Just afraid I guess, for what will happen to me within this next year, and what kind of person I will be next summer. I suppose I DO feel a bit more relaxed/well-rested and prepared than I did last year around this time.. So that's a plus.

Still need to get my things for school and whatnot.. As well as figure out what the heck I could do in these last days >.< I did nothing all summer... Which is depressing, yes :/ I don't socialize much, I'd rather not.. But I do get quite lonely and my friends aren't really that outgoing either unless there's some movie that we all want to see. And going out to other places.. I'll admit I just don't like doing so alone, or with people who I don't feel fully comfortable wish.

So... I dunno what to do. Drawing inspiration seems to have gone... Again x'c Even though I was just getting back into it and had some ideas. But.. Oh well. Was gonna stream tonight but just found myself being far too lazy to do anything at all.

Meh, just a random late-night journal I guess.

Wish me luck guys. Hopefully I make it through in one piece x')
Tagged by Sarah4361

Wont bother following the rules, too lazy to tag others/make my own questions X'D

1.Where do you live? Do you like it there or do you want to leave forever?
Mexico! And eh... The beach is nice x'3 And I will miss this place once I leave but I'm sure there are better places to live in.
2.In which countries have you traveled?
Mexico and U.S ;v;
3.In which fantasy world would you like to live?
Narnia :la:
4.What is your favorite fantasy creature?Do you believe it existed once?
dragons! aaaand nupe XD
5.Do you believe in magic?
I CREATED magic 8D (Ok no, magic tricks aren't really magic tricks xp )
6.What is your favorite book/comic/manga?
I've... Never really read any comics nor mangas ;~; Cuz I suck XD Aaaand I haven't read a book in years (And didn't read that many anyways) v.v Buuuut as for book series.. Magic tree house was a big favorite of mine when I was a kid X'D The Divide series is also a favorite, aaaand i enjoyed the Maze runner books ;v;
7.What is your favorite superhero?
Uh... I dunno, Thor? X'D
8.Do you think mathematics are important for our world or do we give them more attention than we have to?
Yup, totally. At least, some basic stuffs x'3
9.Who is your favorite old artist(writer/painter whichever art you want)?
I don't really know that many artists but I suppose Da'Vinci is a cool guy, same with Picasso and Van'Goh or however you spell is name X'D (These are like..Some of the only artists I know ._. )
10.Which one do you think it's better books or comics?
Never read comics so... Books ;v; Comics are nice though x'3
11.Do you believe in ghosts,other dimensions,aliens and other stuff like that?
Ehhh only the things that are possible XD Ghost sightings are definitely just paranoia from people. Alien sightings aren't real, buuuuut there's definitely gotta be life SOMEWHERE out there.
12.Have you ever watched a ballet and which one?Did you like it?
Nuuuupe, I know nothing of those X'D
13.What is your opinion about artificial intelligence?
Um... So long as it doesn't turn against us, it's cool beans! c: I dunno really, people always make AI seem scary but I think it's a pretty cool technological advancement so long as it's used for good purposes x'3

Sorry for the lazy answers! Am bored... And have like 3 others tags that I might or might not do x'c
I've been going through a crazy phase now in days.. I've no idea why. Where suddenly I'm battling against myself, finally feeling hopeful that I can work towards something in my life, but battling still. Whereas I usually spend days depressed or days "Okay"... I don't know, these days I'm just alternating between the two within a matter of hours.
school is starting soon.. And I'm really beginning to take in and feel overwhelmed by the significance for this final year of high school, and what it means for my life, for my future. And I can say I feel both ready.. But scared. Devastated. If things go as planned, this will be the last year in which I'll live in this place where I've spent half of my life. Nearly 9 years of just... unfortunate events and memories which are even difficult to remember. Living a life that I now wish was just much more different. Should I be hopeful that things may soon change for the better? Or seriously be afraid for the challenges that college may pose, for someone so unprepared and uncertain as me?

I'm living at a point where I'm desperate to find my purpose, what I'm meant to do or achieve for myself. At times I may gaze upon different possibilities... But watch those extinguish by the reality that makes those goals extremely difficult, which require such capabilities far out of my reach.

No matter where I look I just feel confronted by the harsh reality of things. I am stopped and beaten down every time by my life and what it has molded me into, and realizing there's no way to change it. At times I feel like my only choice is to embrace who and what I am... But it's just not what I would've wished to be. I wish I was so much more, could DO so much more, and live so much more.. And as always, I wish I was actually talented and passionate over the one thing that I'm even good at.
I do apologize if what I'm about to say is dark.. And I may admit that maybe I don't quite grasp it's significance.
I've just come to consider that.. If I just can't find anything to strive for in life, if I can't see where I'm unique and stand out.. If I don't find a goal for myself, then I don't wish to continue living for much longer. As much as I wish I could see where and how much we progress over the years.. I do not wish to do so from my own isolated corner, looking out the window as the world does all the work on it's own, and I'd have lived my life without ever achieving anything, nor having overcome my past. I would prefer a way out, then to be useless. And I think that for me, that's the way to go if just nothing changes and I can't be anyone, nor overcome my past or just see why I even matter. Why living my life would matter to me. Right now it just does not.. And whatever hope I feel, even briefly, is quickly eradicated by anything really. I can't overcome things and go on like this.
I literally just can't picture myself at all, years from now.. it's hard to believe I can even make it to college. And really.. I'm giving it just a few years. And see how things go. I want to be someone, I want to be useful. And right now I'm not any of that. And this is not how I want to live.

Sorry for the extremely depressive thoughts, just... Meh. Too many thoughts going through my head during the day.
More like depressing-kind of thoughtful..

It's past midnight, aaaand... Here I am. Starting to feel tired, kinda sleepy actually.. Just thinking about things.

These days I just find myself trying to be more positive about the future -and succeeding, for the most part-, only to have that so easily crushed by the same persistent thoughts that dwindle in my mind.

Some time during the day.. I may feel like I have purpose. See things that I can actually try and achieve for myself. Other times i just feel like I have nothing. Really, nothing to live for, nothing to be proud of, nothing to achieve. I take in the reality of just how hard things in life are, and how very few can make it to the very top. I try to tell myself that I CAN do it. With a lot of work, yes, but I can. But.. Can I? With how easily my very will to live can be crushed? With my general lack of any talent or abilities that might aid me for it, or anything to truly be passionate about? I'm no smart kid. I don't have superior intelligence, I'm not exceptionally good at math or at any really hard class that few can pass.. I'm not unique. I'm not special. I'm not competent. And seeing things more realistically rather than negatively.. I don't think I'm likely to succeed or get far. And trust me, I try to think of anything I should truly be proud of about myself.

I've been told that I'm too hard on myself. I criticize myself and my capabilities a lot. And yes, I do. I've known that for some time now. I strongly criticize many things about me, as well as the things that I've never been able to achieve thus far. I'm hard on myself, yes. But rather than being downright pessimistic and negative.. I try to be realistic. I don't go on and say things like "No one cares about me, everyone hates me!" because that's just immature and a very misguided statement.

I guess, still.. The main thing that just continues to bother me is that I wish I had led a completely different life. I wish I had been someone else. I wish I had been just like everyone else.. I admit it, my life is boring. I wish I could go out more.. But I don't really do so on my own. But my friends aren't really that outgoing either, and we only go out on SOME occasions.
I wish I could just.. be going out with those I trust the most. I wish I could still go to places with my family, hang out with my sisters.. Or that I could still be living the days in which we all traveled elsewhere on vacation. And yes, it still pains me to think that such a thing will never happen again.. I just wish I could still experience that.

it's difficult to see my life being much different from what it is now.. I am used to it. I'm an introvert. Naturally, going out a lot DOES get tiring. But in the end of the day.. I still feel lonely. And I can do nothing but just cope by myself. Just thinking. Only wishing I could know what is there about me that I should really be proud of. How big of a difference I've made in anyone's lives.. Just something to make me smile at having lived through all that I have. And I guess this is natural in everyone's lives.. They say that the the one thing that every human wishes, is to be important. I don't see why I could be such.

Every day is just.. The same. The same with me shifting between feeling keen on moving on in life and to try and be successful.. To just asking myself "What's the point?". Again, I only think about pushing forward to just reach some goal, to feel proud about myself. Not because I'm enthusiastic at anything. So then, what's the point?

I just wish I COULD be passionate or enthusiastic over something. I don't enjoy drawing  as much as I wish. I wish I could.. But I don't. It all started because i wanted to bring my imagination to life, and really, that's the main reason why I draw. And drawing is only way I have found that I can achieve such a thing. I just wish it could be my one and only hobby and talent. I don't consider myself talented. I consider myself patient enough to spend a long time to create good-looking drawings that even I can be proud of.. But if you were to find me in person, and ask me to draw something then and there.. I can't. I literally just can't. I may try, but wont get any good results. You might not even think it's me. You'd have to stick around for a long while before i finally figure out what I'm doing and start sketching something decent. And this is just too slow. I have always wished that I could, within seconds or minutes, be working on a sketch that is already looking decent. Not spend hours figuring it out. And to me, again, it's not talent. It's patience X'D Lots and lots of patience, so that I could achieve what any other truly passionate artist can in much less time.
I just wish I could.. Even at the very least, doodle! Doodle for fun! Doodle random things because I want to, and not even that I can do with enjoyment. And this is, believe it or not.. Something that I even cry over at times. The one and only thing that I'm good at.. And I can't enjoy it nor make the most out of it to it's fullest extent. Instead it's just.. hours of frustration, hours lost and so little progress done. It almost feels counter-productive really. But with someone who doesn't really have much to do in his life anyway.. I guess that doesn't matter, so long as the motivation is strong enough.

I just feel so out of step with everyone.


Will probably delete in the morning.. Just needed to get more off my chest -.- There may be a lot of things here that aren't necessarily right or aren't accurate but... This is just how I feel about stuffs when I'm feeling low.
Feeling hesitant to post this since it's been a while since I posted any vent this large... But meh.

Have a good night guys ^^'
On Steam XD

and yes, I already tried extracting the exe files with Winrar. I don't even get the option, and manually changing to file extension to .rar wont open it either, it says it's corrupt.

And yes I've reinstalled.
Yes, I've verified the cache files xp

I just click on "Play", it says it's opening, buuuut nothing.

So much for the stream idea! :'D

(Okay no, I actually wasn't going to play it right now XD Just wanted to open it and stuffs, MAYBE to do a stream later but I dunno. I'm still not too sure about playing it xp )

Aaaaand the moment i tried opening it, I got 3 people from school questioning my life decisions apparently XDD
Lol no. Only 2 of them acting all surprised, with the third telling me to install warframe XDD
I swear I just HATEE my drawing "Skills" X'D

Like, seriously ;v; They're just never consistent or working with me. I've noticed that I produce the absolute best drawings (In terms of anatomy mainly) whenever I'm VERY inspired and motivated to draw a certain idea. Like, a LOT. Other times, if I'm not feeling THAT up to drawing something... The style and overall quality drops, and I'm just not satisfied x.x One day I'll SOMEHOW create an awesome drawing with anatomy so perfect i don't even understand how I did it... The next I'll make something decent, but not good enough. And other days I'll just forget how to draw altogether :I

I've made a few journals like this, yes.. And it's cuz it's something that genuinely frustrates me to no end x.x I always wish I could just grab a pencil, and doodle whatever I want, and always get decent results, but more importantly, have fun. But the way things are.. I can only have fun and draw altogether when I have something big in mind to work on. I tackle every drawing as if it were it's own big project... Not as a hobby to entertain myself ;~;

And seriously, at times I just become so bad at doing the easiest poses that I always do. Like, I even forget how I do it and can't draw the shapes/proportions properly. I have the patience to spend over an hour drawing individual scales, buuut not to do a quick doodle. If I try drawing something that isn't going to turn into a full painting, I'll end up doing horribly because I lack the proper motivation, and just want to get something "good looking" done in a matter of minutes -w- Seriously, even my head hurts after a few attempts, when all I want is just to draw, sketch, doodle something quick, have fun. Not sit here, clueless, and frustrated because I can't draw anything that looks good x.x I just forget my skills completely every time I'm NOT working on something big. And this really sucks -.- Especially since I was just starting to get inspired to draw more again ;~;

TLDR; Literally can't draw at all unless all my motivation in life is centered on that task alone. Help  ;~;
Alright, so... As I mentioned in the previous journal, we were asked not to copy and paste nor forward the detective's email, so... I wasn't able to include some important information. However, he DID tell me that I can share it's contents with my own words. So... Allow me to summarize what he said x.x

The detective discussed with both him and his mother about his online activity and how that could result in criminal behavior. From what he was able to tell, Shea is able to tell right from wrong. However, he has High functioning Autism, as well as impulse control issues, which may explain why he suddenly got all nasty with people who weren't complying with his requests, or answering his messages. He also displayed a complete lack of empathy, which IS indeed concerning. He was warned, again, to not engage with his threatening or stalking behavior online in the future. At this point, the detective suggested that if Shea wishes to interact with people online, that he do so with a "helper", to make sure he doesn't get frustrated or lose control of his impulses.

Shea is unemployed, and both of his parents work full time. He's also legally an independent adult, therefore his parents cannot tell him what he can or can't do. However, his mother canceled their internet and took away his laptop. However, nothing can prevent him from gaining access to a computer elsewhere, such as a library. The detective also said that he sees no indications that Shea is capable of carrying out any threats that he makes online.

Shea DID tell him that he planned to continue visiting dA. And the detective has no legal authority to tell him he cannot. However, with someone to help him, hopefully, further issues can be avoided, and he may return without causing havoc. I know many of you might be downright upset and in disagreement, but well.. You have to understand :/ It's no one's fault. He's not a criminal, and the law protects him. He's a free individual like you and I. So please be aware that he can and probably WILL return in due time. Be it in a few days, or weeks, or even months. Let's just hope he seeks help, and that his parents ensure that he can behave well.

Lastly, some things that we must consider ( This is important if further issues arise ):

-The police cannot take action concerning any art theft.

This has been made clear before, and I myself have let people know. Art theft would need to be addressed to DeviantArt or the website involved.
-The police can no longer take second hand information.
If someone is victim of a crime, that person must contact him directly. They need to prepare a statement of who, what, when, why, and where. I myself or anyone else for that matter can no longer contact the police on behalf of everyone else.
-No action can be taken if Shea's only being rude or unpleasant.
And he has a point. Being rude online is not a criminal act. It is illegal if Shea threatens someone to the point of placing them in reasonable fear for their safety. Likewise, action cannot be taken if he is pestering artists to complete a drawing for him. If he does however, threaten them to complete and puts them in a state of fear, then action CAN be taken. Please note, however, that if the person is not afraid, then action cannot be taken. An example of this would be the victim simply typing "Whatever" in response to a threat. In such cases, there is no evidence to prove that the person was in a state of fear when the threat was made.
-(Ima have to copy this one since I don't know how to translate it in my own words ._. ) The police can take action if with the intent to intimidate, harass, torment, or embarrass, someone electronically sends communication containing subjectmatter that is lewd, lascivious, indecent, or obscene words, images, orlanguage, or suggesting the commission of any lewd or lascivious act.
Simply swearing or posturing is not enough. This unfortunately happens every day involving millions of users online. The speech must have malicious intent and be continuous.
-We are encouraged to continue to work with Deviantart concerning any issues involving him.
He also encourages us to continue to educate other artists (Primarily dragon artists) about him to be aware of him. NOT engaging with him seems to help. So, please, if you have time and would like to, continue to spread word about this.
He has a pretty unique chat style and, contrary to what many may believe, he speaks quite well and intelligibly in person. His mother pointed out that he's always had typing and spelling problems.


And that's about it. If we someone has any issues with him that are criminal in nature (While keeping in mind the statements above), they must contact the detective directly (I can provide his email).

That pretty much wraps things up. I know some of you might not agree with some things, or upset that he's not gone for good, but we have to be mature about this. Alright? The detective did what he could and has done us a huge favor. However, even he must abide to the law. I too would wish that this was the last we saw of him. But for the meantime, continue drawing peacefully. Should he be back, hopefully he'll be under control. And again, do NOT engage with him if you see he has returned. Do not spam, do not harass or threaten him. Do not insult him. Just, watch him closely if you must, and notify someone or even me if you notice any criminal behavior. But I mean serious criminal behavior.. Not just his usual daily actions that I kept being notified of.

Anyhow, be proud, everyone. You all did a great job gathering the evidence we needed and warning other people ^^ And I still appreciate those who let me know of some of his actions or helped me gather the screenshots. We all did this together. And I sure hope this is the last time I'll be as heavily invested in this issue... I'm honestly sick and tired after 4 years x.x I have too much on my mind to handle already. So, unless things get really bad and serious again, I'm stepping down from this.

Lastly... I hope he doesn't mind XD The detective shared one of his own drawings with us in parting, having seen so much of our own art. I feel like this is directed towards all of us, not just me or the people who were also in contact with him.
Rg by MizaT11
(This is the detective's drawing, NOT Nightflight's XD Hope I didn't confuse people.)

Aaaaand there goes an entire hour for writing this XD But I owed it to you all v.v